Santa’s Got His Life in Order

People say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Lately, I’ve been thinking that Santa’s grass is looking pretty awesome.

Reasons why I wish I was Santa Claus

1. I would only need to work one day of the year
What’s better than having nothing to do except for whatever comes to mind? I get that the North Pole is probably not the most lively place to be but then again….maybe that’s what Santa wants us to think.

2. Most people think you’re imaginary so you don’t owe them money
I’ve never heard of Santa having bills to pay, except for in Fred Claus. That in itself is probably why it got such terrible ratings. It ruined the atmosphere of Santa by bringing in the government.

3. Crime rate in the north pole is the lowest in the world
Of course by this I’m not counting polar bear incidents or killer whale issues. Those can be considered natural disasters.

4. TWO WORDS:  Elf Slavery
Why bother ever lifting a finger when you have 100s of these joyful little guys skipping through the snow?

5. You get to silently judge people and in return be gifted with cookies
THIS, this right here…out of everything I thought I should be paid for in my lifetime, this is my calling. Imagine just knowing everything about everyone and being the one to decide if they deserve gifts and good tidings. Even if I threw coal at their house I would still be given cookies and milk just for stopping by.

6. Travel the world for free
No more waiting in line at the airport! TSA has no say in my reindeer games. Who says Santa isn’t smuggling things across borders?

7. How much weight you gain doesn’t matter, no one will see you anyway
The holidays are a time of eating copious amounts of food that are traditionally made from only butter. It’s perfect, but then you get back from your family’s house and everyone starts to nicely tell you how much fatter you’ve gotten. No more!

8. You get to test toys and games all year long
This is self-explanatory. Careers goals right here.

But who knows….maybe I’m wrong and my life would turn out something like this..

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Santa’s Got His Life in Order

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